[{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org\/","@type":"BlogPosting","@id":"https:\/\/equallywed.com\/10-wedding-traditions-to-ditch-on-your-big-day-and-some-to-keep-too\/#BlogPosting","mainEntityOfPage":"https:\/\/equallywed.com\/10-wedding-traditions-to-ditch-on-your-big-day-and-some-to-keep-too\/","headline":"10 wedding traditions to ditch on your big day (and some to keep, too)","name":"10 wedding traditions to ditch on your big day (and some to keep, too)","description":"LGBTQ+ wedding photographer Kevin Lowery shares his expert advice on which wedding traditions to ditch and which are worth saving.","datePublished":"2019-05-14","dateModified":"2019-05-14","author":{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/equallywed.com\/author\/kevinlowery\/#Person","name":"Kevin Lowery","url":"https:\/\/equallywed.com\/author\/kevinlowery\/","identifier":6731,"image":{"@type":"ImageObject","@id":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/f43d412aeb61d006c211ff9d2312f8eac86b5a0fa1c287ed84f2c0ec8628c147?s=96&r=g","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/f43d412aeb61d006c211ff9d2312f8eac86b5a0fa1c287ed84f2c0ec8628c147?s=96&r=g","height":96,"width":96}},"publisher":{"@type":"Organization","name":"Equally Wed","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","@id":"http:\/\/equallywed.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/equally-wed-lgbtq-weddings-logo.jpg","url":"http:\/\/equallywed.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/equally-wed-lgbtq-weddings-logo.jpg","width":218,"height":60}},"image":{"@type":"ImageObject","@id":"https:\/\/equallywed.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/05\/lgbtq-wedding-kevin-lowery.jpg","url":"https:\/\/equallywed.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/05\/lgbtq-wedding-kevin-lowery.jpg","height":801,"width":1200},"url":"https:\/\/equallywed.com\/10-wedding-traditions-to-ditch-on-your-big-day-and-some-to-keep-too\/","about":["Planning"],"wordCount":1997,"keywords":["LGBTQ weddings","wedding traditions"],"articleBody":"I may not be your traditional wedding expert (I\u2019m not even sure what that title really entails), however, considering My Best Friend\u2019s Wedding is my all-time favorite movie and that I attend many weddings like it\u2019s my job, I do have more knowledge than most when it comes to seeing and experiencing a variety of wedding day celebrations.With all this work in weddings, there are some wedding traditions I absolutely love\u2026 but some that I would be more than happy to see disappear to wherever our socks are going when they vanish from the dryer. The traditions you can leave behind are often done to please the parents or grandparents, or are things you do \u2018because it\u2019s what you do at a wedding.’ Allow me to be the first to give you permission to ditch the following traditions on your wedding day.Photo by Kevin LoweryHOLD UP. Before we go any further, I just want to say your wedding is your day! Do what you want, do what will make you happy, celebrate the way you\u2019ve always dreamed. If any of my \u2018ditch list\u2019 traditions are ones you love, then go for it! This list is what I\u2019ve seen from my experience that weddings can live without while still embracing and focusing on the whole reason everyone is gathered together in the first place: for love, sweet, love.DITCH LIST1 \/ Throwing the bouquetDo you really need to spend the money on an additional bouquet to toss over your head to a group of girls (or anyone vying to be proposed to) who feel obligated to get up and awkwardly proclaim to everyone in attendance \u2018yes, my date tonight is my friend\/cousin\/brother\/sister\/coworker and I am, in fact, single.’ I am fully aware that I\u2019m a big ol’ flaming gay, so I can never fully profess to understand truly what women want. However, one thing I\u2019m sure of is this: the only folks who want to catch the bouquet are the ones who are hoping they get a ring next and partners, you shouldn\u2019t need this moment to let you know that\u2019s on their mind.2 \/ Garter tossWhen is it appropriate to toss your babe\u2019s underwear across the room to a group of single folks? Never. End of story. In fact, historically one of the reasons the garter toss came into being was so that a family member could keep PROOF of the marriage consummation. I don\u2019t know about you, but that\u2019s a boundary I\u2019d like to keep nice and firm with my family members. Nowadays it\u2019s typically tossed by the groom into a group of single men, and it\u2019s said that he who catches it will be the next to get married. Again, guys, if you need to wait to catch a married person’s unmentionables to know it\u2019s time to get married, you may have missed your window.3 \/ Reading speeches from your phoneI get it, you are saying a speech and a phone is the most convenient way to make sure you don\u2019t lose it. I\u2019ve seen so many people use their phone for their speech, just to lose their place because the screen was too small, hold the phone up close to their face, and basically just end up winging it because their phone is a distraction. Pay the 10 cents to get a copy printed and bring it on paper. It\u2019s classy. It\u2019s also a lot cuter in photos to be reading from notes instead of having ones face lit up blue with a phone screen.4 \/ Taking every combination possible for family formalsThere\u2019s no reason to take 50+ family formals. One group shot of each grouping is more than fine nowadays because even those photos most just sit on hard drives and never make it to print. Ask yourself as you\u2019re making your family formals list, \u201cwhat family photos do I want to actually put on my wall?\u201d Typically, only 1-2 group family wedding shots actually make it to a place (either physically or MAYBE on some sort of electronic space like your desktop or Facebook) where you\u2019ll see them on a regular basis. So instead of taking 50+ combinations of family photos, let\u2019s just take 4-5 and save all that time.5 \/ Attendants wearing boutonni\u00e8resThe marrier(s) is\/are the only one who needs one, if at all. Attendants (groomsmen, especially) are never ready on time and usually always end up stalling photo time because we have to go find the boutonnieres and put them on the attendants last minute, anyway! And finally, on warm days they usually are destroyed before the ceremony even starts because the attendants will take their jackets on and off multiple times.6 \/ Lifting the veilIt\u2019s STORY TIME with your pal, Kevin! Traditionally, when arranged marriages were common, a veil was worn over a brides face so that the groom wouldn\u2019t see his soon-to-be wife\u2019s face until the very last second. Wanna know why? SO HE COULDN\u2019T SEE HER FACE THEN CHANGE HIS MIND! History, folks. That tradition just got REAL in the worst way! Instead of a veil, many brides nowadays are opting to adorn headpieces, flower crowns, pins, or other unique options.7 \/ Long, Long ReceptionsOKAY SO BEFORE YOU SIDE EYE ME, let me finish. I have photographed more than 100 weddings, and I would bet that less than 10 of those weddings actually needed as long a reception as was scheduled. Often when booking a venue, a couple will see that they are allowed to be in the venue until 10 or 11 p.m. This does not mean you should schedule your reception to last that long, especially when it\u2019s starting at 5:30 or 6 p.m.I do occasionally shoot weddings that are just an amazing, rowdy party all the way until the very end. When this occurs, it\u2019s a beautiful thing. However, what happens more often are the weddings where the party fizzles and fades until the couple decides to either have their sparkler\/bubble\/glow stick\/dance party exit early OR they only have 15 people remaining for it. In my experience, it\u2019s epic when a couple leaves on the highest note of their party, when everyone is pumped and excited for them. So, I\u2019m giving all you future couples of mine (and even those of you who don\u2019t book me) permission: go ahead and schedule your exit at 9\u00a0p.m. Grandma thanks you for it, and so will your guests.8 \/ Taking your partner\u2019s last nameFull disclosure. I took my husband\u2019s last name when I married him. However, we\u2019re entering a brave new, beautiful world where it\u2019s become acceptable to keep your name as you enter marriage. Many couples are getting creative and either hyphenating one or both of their names to join together or even coming up with a new last name totally! Here\u2019s my point: blaze your own trail. If that means taking your partner\u2019s name like I did, do it. However, don\u2019t just change your name because it fits convention.9 \/ Wearing a white dressAs a self-proclaimed romantic sap and lover and all things wedding-related, I\u2019ll admit that I\u2019m a sucker for a big, beautiful white wedding dress. However, if you\u2019re planning on wearing a dress on your wedding day, you don\u2019t have to limit yourself to white dresses. Is it possible I\u2019m including this tradition in the mix because I\u2019m dying to shoot a beautiful emerald green velvet wedding gown? Possibly. However, more and more people are choosing non-white dresses for their wedding days. Want a way to make sure your wedding is memorable and stands out against the others? Consider \u201csaying yes\u201d to a dress that isn\u2019t white.10 \/ Female Bridesmaids and Male GroomsmenWho is to say that bridesmaids must be female and groomsmen must be men? If you\u2019re choosing to surround yourself with your pod of besties on your wedding day, why exclude anyone based on their gender? Consider instead choosing your bridespeople or your groomspeople to stand next to you and support you on your special day. (And you could just scrap those gendered titles all together and call them wedding attendants and\/or your wedding party.)To compile the keep list, I asked my Facebook community of wedding photographers and non-photographers who just love weddings what their FAVORITE part of weddings are. 95 hilarious, heartfelt and gif-filled comments later, it was obvious which parts of weddings and wedding traditions are important to keep!KEEP LIST1 \/ Cake cuttingIf you don\u2019t cut the cake, how can your guests (read: me, your photographer) grab any? Cutting the cake is a sweet moment that is as adorable as it is delicious and beneficial to all of your wedding guests.2 \/ Couples PortraitsGive me half an hour and it\u2019ll be so worth it to carve out the time to get beautiful, emotionally overwhelmed photos of you and your forever human. You will never need that \u2018family photo\u2019 with your uncle 4 times removed and his third wife you\u2019ve never met.3 \/ The First Look OR Getting Ready TogetherFirst Look: CUE THE TEARS! Seriously, the first look is the most magical moment of the day! This is a newer trend that is quickly becoming a tradition and I love it! Speaking for other photographers, as well as myself, taking time to do \u2018the first look\u2019 means we can extend our time together doing photos of you and your beloved. \u201cBut I want the first time we see each other during our ceremony to be special!\u201d Let me tell you friend, as someone who has photographed many weddings with and without first looks, the first time your partner sees you as you come down the aisle will be a special, tear-inducing moment regardless.Getting Ready Together: An even newer trend than the first look is getting ready together. This is pretty commonplace for the LGBTQ+ weddings I shoot, but it\u2019s becoming an option now for all the couples I photograph. I got ready with my husband on the morning of our wedding, and I can\u2019t really explain the quiet sweetness of those moments we shared together alone on that morning. Taking the time together to absorb the depth of the commitment you are making that day and enjoying a lazy breakfast together is a recipe for a clear, calm head for the rest of the day. It\u2019s also romantic to spend that time together just basking in the love you have for each other.4 \/ Parent DancesFacebook has spoken: parent dances for the WIN! The Father-Daughter, Mother-Son or any other combination of Parents and Child dance gives everyone all the feels.AAAAAand.. Here\u2019s my extra super sneaky list of ways to have the best wedding ever:DO WHAT YOU WANT!That\u2019s right. Just one simple point. Do what you and your forever human want. If you want to toss the garter, play 80\u2019s hits all night long, serve burgers and kombucha and take a million family formals, then go for it. Your wedding is meant to be about celebrating the unique love between you and your partner. Consider what you both want and will make your wedding day a memorable start to your forever together and don\u2019t allow people to push their traditions on you if you don\u2019t fully embrace what they stand for or want to take part in them.What wedding traditions did you say goodbye to for your wedding? Which traditions did you stick with? I want to hear! Comment below and let me know.Editor’s Note: This post originally appeared on LGBTQ+ wedding photographer Kevin Lowery’s photography blog, kevinlowery.com, and is republished here with permission."},{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org\/","@type":"BreadcrumbList","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"10 wedding traditions to ditch on your big day (and some to keep, too)","item":"https:\/\/equallywed.com\/10-wedding-traditions-to-ditch-on-your-big-day-and-some-to-keep-too\/#breadcrumbitem"}]}]