[{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org\/","@type":"BlogPosting","@id":"https:\/\/equallywed.com\/maintaining-a-marriage-a-celebration-of-nine-years-together\/#BlogPosting","mainEntityOfPage":"https:\/\/equallywed.com\/maintaining-a-marriage-a-celebration-of-nine-years-together\/","headline":"Maintaining a Marriage (a Celebration of Nine Years Together)","name":"Maintaining a Marriage (a Celebration of Nine Years Together)","description":"Nine years ago today, Maria and I became girlfriend and girlfriend.   Nine years ago today, Maria and I became girlfriend and girlfriend. We\u2019d been...","datePublished":"2013-03-25","dateModified":"2021-06-30","author":{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/equallywed.com\/author\/kirsten\/#Person","name":"Kirsten Ott Palladino","url":"https:\/\/equallywed.com\/author\/kirsten\/","identifier":789,"image":{"@type":"ImageObject","@id":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/976931d3a7979cc2fa35b3cc231dcae43d918e04819805bcb68e3c11a00eebae?s=96&r=g","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/976931d3a7979cc2fa35b3cc231dcae43d918e04819805bcb68e3c11a00eebae?s=96&r=g","height":96,"width":96}},"publisher":{"@type":"Organization","name":"Equally Wed","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","@id":"http:\/\/equallywed.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/equally-wed-lgbtq-weddings-logo.jpg","url":"http:\/\/equallywed.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/equally-wed-lgbtq-weddings-logo.jpg","width":218,"height":60}},"image":{"@type":"ImageObject","@id":"https:\/\/equallywed.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/kirsten-maria-palladino-lesbian-wedding.jpg","url":"https:\/\/equallywed.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/kirsten-maria-palladino-lesbian-wedding.jpg","height":426,"width":640},"url":"https:\/\/equallywed.com\/maintaining-a-marriage-a-celebration-of-nine-years-together\/","about":["Marriage + More"],"wordCount":791,"keywords":["anniversaries ","divorce","Equally Wed","family","marriage","relationships"],"articleBody":" Nine years ago today, Maria and I became girlfriend and girlfriend. Nine years ago today, Maria and I became girlfriend and girlfriend. We\u2019d been dating for about a month before she asked me to be hers. There was a fluttering feeling of little wings going crazy in my tummy as I tucked my chin ever so slightly and replied \u201cyes\u201d with a delighted grin on my face. Since that perfect moment, Maria and I have lived a jam-packed life loaded with all the extra toppings\u2013some we ordered, some were extra, and some we wanted to send back. But we\u2019ve taken it all and enjoyed almost every moment. I definitely haven\u2019t been a perfect partner along the way, sometimes dipping down very low on the contribution ladder when it came to being the most romantic or giving. And I\u2019ve had to learn a lot about compromise, more so in expecting it rather than me just compromising all of my own beliefs because I thought it had to be that way to keep a good relationship going. To be fair, Maria didn\u2019t know when I was doing this. She just thought she had lucked up finding a woman who happened to believe everything she believed. In our nine years, I have come out more strongly in the last few years as more of my own person, owning who I am and what I think.Along the way, I\u2019ve also had to learn a lot about relationships in general. I didn\u2019t have a fear of commitment, per se. I just took off when the going got rough. What was the point if we couldn\u2019t get along every second? Those were my thoughts in my 20s. I didn\u2019t know how to effectively discuss my feelings of agitation or to let Maria know she\u2019d hurt me without acting out in a passive-aggressive way.When we got married in 2009, my grandmother, who\u2019d divorced her first husband before marrying my Papa, said with a very loving tone: \u201cGood luck in your marriage, Kirsten. You haven\u2019t had any good examples of a marriage actually working out. Everyone in your family has gotten a divorce, including me.\u201dAnd she was mostly right with the exception of my father\u2019s third marriage, which lasted 17 years until his death, to my stepmother, Clare. They loved each other in abundance every day, and hardly ever disagreed. Theirs was a love affair I want to emulate.But I also married a passionate Italian who possesses the confidence to get her feelings across and yet let me know that she loves me in abundance. Maria has taught me so much about what it is to maintain a relationship, to keep ours going. It\u2019s not just about loving each other. We\u2019ve got that down pat. It\u2019s also about allowing ourselves to take time to fume over something that\u2019s got one of us in a tizzy, to talk it over, and for our hearts to know that we can give it our all at all times because we know that the other one isn\u2019t going anywhere. We must tend to the garden that is our relationship in order to have it continually bloom, and we mustn\u2019t abandon it or else weeds will grow.As we\u2019ve grown older and (hopefully) wiser, I feel like we\u2019ve also grown with each other, like roots of two different plants, intertwined deep within the earth, and I love knowing that we\u2019re together through anything life throws our way (and it has thrown some major curve balls).I love Maria in abundance not just during our happy times, of which there are countless, but during the hard times, as well. And you\u2019re not going to be together for nine or more years without a difficult time coming at you hard at some point in your relationship. But I\u2019ve learned that you have to work hard at making it feel easy, that when the going gets rough, you don\u2019t just throw in the cards.Happiness in a relationship, I\u2019ve come to know, very much depends on what you\u2019re willing to do once the honeymoon period is over. Because I\u2019ve learned how to do the work\u2013and so has Maria\u2013I feel like we\u2019re reaping those benefits tenfold now, and we\u2019re riding high on a fluffy yet sturdy cloud of comfort and joy with two gorgeous children, a cozy home, flourishing careers and the knowledge that no matter what the future holds, we\u2019ll face it head on, together.Tell me, readers, what do you think maintains a marriage?Photo: Our Labor of Love"},{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org\/","@type":"BreadcrumbList","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Maintaining a Marriage (a Celebration of Nine Years Together)","item":"https:\/\/equallywed.com\/maintaining-a-marriage-a-celebration-of-nine-years-together\/#breadcrumbitem"}]}]