[{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org\/","@type":"BlogPosting","@id":"https:\/\/equallywed.com\/married-and-happy-again\/#BlogPosting","mainEntityOfPage":"https:\/\/equallywed.com\/married-and-happy-again\/","headline":"Married and Happy\u2014Again","name":"Married and Happy\u2014Again","description":"Married and Happy\u2014AgainCouples with at least one transgender partner choose to renew their vows and, in some cases, have no choice By Meghan Russell Michelle...","datePublished":"2010-07-01","dateModified":"2021-06-21","author":{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/equallywed.com\/author\/admin\/#Person","name":"Equally Wed","url":"https:\/\/equallywed.com\/author\/admin\/","identifier":787,"image":{"@type":"ImageObject","@id":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/ca62cf123aaaf135c80b055249bacbda79de9226e11cdfcde6529bedf89683de?s=96&r=g","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/ca62cf123aaaf135c80b055249bacbda79de9226e11cdfcde6529bedf89683de?s=96&r=g","height":96,"width":96}},"publisher":{"@type":"Organization","name":"Equally Wed","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","@id":"http:\/\/equallywed.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/equally-wed-lgbtq-weddings-logo.jpg","url":"http:\/\/equallywed.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/equally-wed-lgbtq-weddings-logo.jpg","width":218,"height":60}},"image":{"@type":"ImageObject","@id":"https:\/\/equallywed.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cami-and-michelle-with-marriage-license-2008.jpg","url":"https:\/\/equallywed.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cami-and-michelle-with-marriage-license-2008.jpg","height":375,"width":500},"url":"https:\/\/equallywed.com\/married-and-happy-again\/","about":["Legal"],"wordCount":1062,"articleBody":" Married and Happy\u2014AgainCouples with at least one transgender partner choose to renew their vows and, in some cases, have no choiceBy Meghan RussellMichelle McKay underwent sexual reassignment surgery in July 2008. In October of that year, she married her husband Cameron out of state, without a celebration. One year later, their relationship took an interesting twist\u2014Cami also became female, making them wife and wife. Today, the couple wishes to renew their vows as two women in Williamsburg, Va., where they live. \u201cWe are trying to do something that family and friends could come to,\u201d Michelle, 58, explains. Cameron and Michelle with their marriage license in 2008Yet the McKays find themselves trapped in the middle of wanting to be viewed in every way as a same-sex couple and Virginia\u2019s Marshall-Newman Amendment, which defines marriage between a man and a woman and declares all same-sex marriages null and void. Michelle also feels a sense of guilt over the loophole in the law that allows her to continue reaping the privileges of marriage simply because she and Cami, now 30, were an opposite-sex couple the day they said, \u201cI do.\u201d\u201cCameron and I were lucky to be in a situation that allowed us to get married legally,\u201d she says. \u201cBut the fact that there are people who would annul the marriage if they had their way\u2014that\u2019s what\u2019s wrong.\u201dAlthough undergoing a sex change after a heterosexual marriage does not make the marriage invalid, many trans couples still face issues such as what to call their marriage before the birth certificate of the transsexual partner can be changed, and copious legal fears. This leads some couples to renew their vows, even if just for the sheer principle of it.Kristina, left, and Susan, both 62, also from Virginia, say it has simply been too long since their 1976 \u201chippie\u201d wedding in the woods before Kristina\u2019s transition. They are already planning a celebration with friends and co-workers for their 35th anniversary next May. \u201cPerhaps we\u2019ll do something a little more upscale this time,\u201d Kristina suggests between reminiscent chuckles.She would also like to celebrate how supportive they both were of each other throughout their lives and her 2007 transition. \u201cI\u2019m sticking by the vows I made 34 years ago, but I would like to refresh them in my new identity and just from the standpoint of renewing my commitment to my partner,\u201d she affirms.Like the McKays, Kristina and Susan lucked out. For Tina and Jesse R., below, however, the state of Connecticut obligates them to remarry before October, when same-sex civil unions automatically convert to marriages. When this happens, Jesse\u2019s marriage license will forever bear his female name, since he and Tina married prior to his transition.\u201cI\u2019m actually concerned that my civil union certificate will bear my gender at birth, locking us into a same-sex wedding,\u201d Jesse, 31, says. \u201cThat would be really difficult to explain if ever we needed to produce our marriage certificate to prove we are married for any reasons down the road or if we move to a different state.\u201d\u201cTo say that I\u2019m peeved that we have to [remarry] on someone else\u2019s timetable just to get around inequities in the law would be an understatement,\u201d Tina, 37, adds. Nonetheless, the couple recently lived it up for their second wedding, when the remarried in front of all the participants of Pride on June 19, when their local LGBT community center in Fairfield performed a mass wedding ceremony.Although it might not be as glamorous as their 2007 New Year\u2019s Eve wedding when they surprised their party guests with a ceremony immediately following the ball drop, this year\u2019s vows are still something to celebrate, considering the support they have shown one another for three years. \u201cI\u2019m so proud of [Tina] for sticking through the tough parts, and for starting a group for partners of trans people at our local LGBTQ community center,\u201d says Jesse. \u201cIt makes me feel like a king that even after my transition, she still loves me enough to marry me again.\u201dMeanwhile, Nicole and Chris Martin, below, of Ithaca, NY, face another problem. Even though Chris, 29, was male when they filed their marriage paperwork back in December, his birth certificate has yet to change from female to male. In order for this to happen, he will have to either undergo surgery and complete the physical transition or appear before a judge in Missouri, where he was born.While New York recognizes same-sex marriages performed elsewhere and offers insurance benefits to same-sex spouses, the federal government does not. Their greatest fear while they await their wedding is that the government will have legal questions regarding Chris\u2019s gender and will notify the pastor performing their marriage. Torn between living in stealth in their church and celebrating openly, the last thing they want is for their pastor to find out and refuse to perform their ceremony.\u201cWe\u2019re both Christians,\u201d Chris explains. \u201cRegardless of me being trans, I don\u2019t see myself as a member of the GLBT community. I feel like a man who was born female,\u201d and this man wants his wedding to be viewed as a heterosexual one. \u201cI think people want to make this out to be some huge issue that it\u2019s not.\u201dLaughing, Nicole, 27, stresses that whatever happens, she wants their wedding to be a joyous occasion. \u201cWe made a rule: We weren\u2019t inviting anybody who didn\u2019t support us. We didn\u2019t want people in the back who\u2019d be like, \u2018I object!\u2019 with pitchforks.\u201dLikewise, Michelle and Cami McKay just want to have a new ceremony, traditional, formal and normal, surrounded by all those who support them. But at the same time, they wish to renew their vows as a model for other trans couples who may have forgotten that no matter their post-transition marriage statuses, they still belong to a minority community for which they should fight and celebrate.\u201cI feel [vow renewals] are important, because I know some trans couples,\u201d Michelle says. \u201cOne of them has transitioned, but they always still call themselves in a straight relationship, and you have to tell them, \u2018No, you\u2019re not.\u2019 I don\u2019t think we\u2019ll have equality until we include all people, and that includes the L, the G, the B and the T.\u201d\u00a0"},{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org\/","@type":"BreadcrumbList","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Married and Happy\u2014Again","item":"https:\/\/equallywed.com\/married-and-happy-again\/#breadcrumbitem"}]}]