[{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org\/","@type":"BlogPosting","@id":"https:\/\/equallywed.com\/only-when-we-laugh\/#BlogPosting","mainEntityOfPage":"https:\/\/equallywed.com\/only-when-we-laugh\/","headline":"Emotional Intelligence: Only When We Laugh","name":"Emotional Intelligence: Only When We Laugh","description":"Down to its core, laughing is an elixir for all that ails in the most vibrant relationships. (And I dare you to resist slapping your...","datePublished":"2010-07-29","dateModified":"2021-06-21","author":{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/equallywed.com\/author\/admin\/#Person","name":"Equally Wed","url":"https:\/\/equallywed.com\/author\/admin\/","identifier":787,"image":{"@type":"ImageObject","@id":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/ca62cf123aaaf135c80b055249bacbda79de9226e11cdfcde6529bedf89683de?s=96&r=g","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/ca62cf123aaaf135c80b055249bacbda79de9226e11cdfcde6529bedf89683de?s=96&r=g","height":96,"width":96}},"publisher":{"@type":"Organization","name":"Equally Wed","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","@id":"http:\/\/equallywed.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/equally-wed-lgbtq-weddings-logo.jpg","url":"http:\/\/equallywed.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/equally-wed-lgbtq-weddings-logo.jpg","width":218,"height":60}},"image":{"@type":"ImageObject","@id":"http:\/\/equallywed.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/equally-wed-lgbtq-weddings-logo.jpg","url":"http:\/\/equallywed.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/equally-wed-lgbtq-weddings-logo.jpg","width":218,"height":60},"url":"https:\/\/equallywed.com\/only-when-we-laugh\/","about":["Marriage + More"],"wordCount":929,"keywords":[" men","discussion","emotional intelligence","gay marriage","gay wedding","humor","LGBTQ","Prop 8","relationships"],"articleBody":"Down to its core, laughing is an elixir for all that ails in the most vibrant relationships. (And I dare you to resist slapping your spouse.)On his HBO show Real Time, Bill Maher criticized the passage of Prop 8 in California as the agony, if not the irony, of bigotry. \u201cEven in liberal California,\u201d he said, \u201cwe voted to outlaw gay marriage. … But I have to stand with the gays on this. Gay people, I think, have every right to insist that they will not be happy until they’re allowed to be miserable.”\u00a0That\u2019s become a semi-familiar laugh line in American pop culture\u2014even Family Guy joined in on the joke\u2014but can the search for marriage equality have its funny moments? Are we really seeking rights to relationship tedium? And, more broadly, how should humor play itself out as an arc in our daily lives?Laughing with and at ourselves is still, amidst all struggles, critical to our well-being. With unemployment high, frustration mounting over the Gulf disaster and ongoing political divisions, among other major bummers, joking is both an escape and healer.\u201cHumor is awakening,\u201d says Brenda Knosher, a licensed clinical social worker in private practice with her longtime partner, Julie Boyer. \u201cIt awakens us to the situation or the moment we\u2019re in\u2014it pops us out and into a more awake state. Very often in a couple, the presence of humor\u2014especially intimate humor, only the type they would get\u2014awakens that memory, that knowing, of how together they are.\u201dIf laughter brings us closer, then comedians create the snarky, \u201ckum bay ya\u201d moments we treasure. Steve Hofstetter is one such funnyman, creating a unique, renaissance-man niche as author, radio-show host, sports columnist and veteran of the college comedy circuit. In addition to being an interview subject for my book, \u201cEIQ: Everyman\u2019s Guide to Developing Emotional Fortitude,\u201d Hofstetter has appeared on The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson and spoke exclusively to EW about same-sex marriage, cracking jokes and his upcoming nuptials to Sara, a Broadway executive in New York.\u201cWe laugh together constantly,\u201d he says, adding that she frequently attends his shows. \u201cWe\u2019re incredibly silly\u2014and that’s what keeps us happy. I see couples sometimes that are so serious\u2014and I don’t understand how they deal with the boredom.\u201cThe idea that gay people can’t get married is ridiculous,\u201d he adds. \u201cIf marriage were sacred, Elvis priests and reality dating shows would be against the law, too. I once saw two guys making out on the street like they were in 8th grade and had just discovered what making out was. That wouldn’t happen if they were married. Homophobic people should realize that the way to get gay people to stop making out in public is to let them get married.\u201dSteve\u2019s contribution to my book and to the marriage-equality conversation cannot be understated\u2014with laughter, of course, at the core.\u201cI’ve always believed that an injustice anywhere is an injustice everywhere,\u201d he says. \u201cPeople who think that prejudice against gays can’t affect them should remember that the Nazis persecuted homosexuals before they moved on to Jews, Gypsies, the handicapped and brunettes.\u201dLaughter has always been a crucial part of my life\u2014which is why I was curious about how the elixir of LOL plays out in our lives. I see humor everywhere, in all people, and in all things. I have a sailor mouth and have been known to drop the f-bomb in inappropriate places. Everyone in my life knows I suffer from the self-proclaimed \u201cViolent Affection Syndrome,\u201d which affects those of us who feel the urge to slap someone because they are so cute\u2014it even spawned a successful blog feature called \u201cThe Daily Slap,\u201d led by my pal Rob O\u2019Connor. My friends all know I dole out lasting nicknames: the aforementioned Rob is now \u201cReenage,\u201d Michele is \u201cSnush,\u201d Matt is \u201cThigh,\u201d Patrick is \u201cWagon,\u201d Chris is \u201cCrusty,\u201d and so on. And my squeeze, \u201cTL,\u201d knows that I want LOL-ing to be part of our daily routine, and it is\u2014I even slapped him in my kitchen on our first date. It\u2019s just a thing, I can\u2019t help it. (I didn\u2019t leave a mark.)\u201cIn a couple, it\u2019s nearly impossible if your partner is smiling for you not to smile back,\u201d Knosher says. \u201cLaughter joins you. It\u2019s the words, the content of the humor, the facial expressions, and it\u2019s the warmth and tenderness and the happiness and joy\u2014all of that\u2019s about connecting you to each other.\u201dAnd there are millions of ways in which to bond over the funny stuff\u2014so get out there and get laughing. Jump on the Web and punch up some of the archives of Saturday Night Live, a personal fave, which consistently (and for more than 30 years now) pumps out comedic gems. When Tina Fey was still co-hosting \u201cWeekend Update,\u201d you might have heard her weigh in on the whole gay marriage discussion.“A Senate committee on Thursday approved a constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage, apparently forgetting that our forefathers wore wigs and satin Capri pants.”Will Pollock is a freelance journalist and artist based in Midtown Atlanta. He is working on his first book on emotional intelligence for men and blogs frequently about this and other pop-culture nonsense at willpollock.com. He encourages you to watch the book\u2019s progress on Facebook and follow him on Twitter, as he urges men to mine their emotional intellect.\u00a0"},{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org\/","@type":"BreadcrumbList","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Emotional Intelligence: Only When We Laugh","item":"https:\/\/equallywed.com\/only-when-we-laugh\/#breadcrumbitem"}]}]