[{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org\/","@type":"BlogPosting","@id":"https:\/\/equallywed.com\/real-weddings-julie-and-stephanie\/#BlogPosting","mainEntityOfPage":"https:\/\/equallywed.com\/real-weddings-julie-and-stephanie\/","headline":"Julie and Stephanie’s San Francisco Zoo wedding","name":"Julie and Stephanie’s San Francisco Zoo wedding","description":"From June 16, 2008 to November 5, 2008, marriage equality was a reality in California. During this brief lapse in discrimination, more than 18,000 gay...","datePublished":"2010-06-29","dateModified":"2021-06-21","author":{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/equallywed.com\/author\/admin\/#Person","name":"Equally Wed","url":"https:\/\/equallywed.com\/author\/admin\/","identifier":787,"image":{"@type":"ImageObject","@id":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/ca62cf123aaaf135c80b055249bacbda79de9226e11cdfcde6529bedf89683de?s=96&r=g","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/ca62cf123aaaf135c80b055249bacbda79de9226e11cdfcde6529bedf89683de?s=96&r=g","height":96,"width":96}},"publisher":{"@type":"Organization","name":"Equally Wed","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","@id":"http:\/\/equallywed.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/equally-wed-lgbtq-weddings-logo.jpg","url":"http:\/\/equallywed.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/equally-wed-lgbtq-weddings-logo.jpg","width":218,"height":60}},"image":{"@type":"ImageObject","@id":"https:\/\/equallywed.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/real-gay-weddings_julie-and-stephanie.jpg","url":"https:\/\/equallywed.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/real-gay-weddings_julie-and-stephanie.jpg","height":282,"width":636},"url":"https:\/\/equallywed.com\/real-weddings-julie-and-stephanie\/","about":["Real LGBTQ+ Weddings"],"wordCount":1708,"keywords":[" lesbian wedding"," two brides","butch brides","Lilia Ahner","San Francisco"],"articleBody":"From June 16, 2008 to November 5, 2008, marriage equality was a reality in California. During this brief lapse in discrimination, more than 18,000 gay and lesbian couples got marriage certificates. Julie Hajarr and Stephanie Rainaldi were one of the lucky duos, a Berkeley couple who had a City Hall ceremony less than two weeks before Proposition 8 went into effect. With their marriage secured, the couple planned a wedding for the following May so that friends and family could celebrate with them. \u201cMost everyone knew we had already gotten married at City Hall, but doing it with them all there was important for us and them,\u201d says Stephanie.The seven-month gap was a brief interlude for the happy couple, who had already shared 10 years together before their wedding. Both psychology majors, they crossed paths (or hallways) in the same building at Long Beach State for two semesters before they landed in the same class and were officially introduced. \u201cFor the next two years, we were best friends. She had a girlfriend during that time\u2014I had \u2026 several, and then she finally came around and realized I was the one for her,\u201d Julie says with a chuckle.It was Julie who eventually popped the question, after devising a scheme to make sure the proposal was a surprise. Having picked out a Tiffany & Co. ring she knew Stephanie liked, the pair went to visit their families in Southern California, giving Julie a chance to ask permission from Stephanie\u2019s mom and dad. \u201cOld school, yes, but I thought it was important to do,\u201d Julie says. \u201cHer parents have a beautiful backyard, so I set up a bunch of outdoor lights by the pool and decided I would ask her there. I made up this huge story about my shopping trip with my friend, and tried to make it sound like I had bought something from Tiffany for my two-year-old niece. It was supposed to go as planned\u2026\u201d Stephanie continue the story, \u201cSo we were hanging out by the pool and Julie picks up her sweatshirt and a black fuzzy ring box falls out onto the ground.\u201d Julie picked up the box hoping Stephanie hadn\u2019t seen it, and Stephanie tried to pretend she hadn\u2019t.\u201cSmooth, I know,\u201d says Julie. \u201cThe box so wasn\u2019t supposed to fall out! But since it did, I got down on one knee and told her I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. She said\u2014screamed\u2014\u2018yes\u2019, and then ran full speed back into the house to show her parents the ring.\u201dThe same loving family structure that cheered on their engagement was there for them when they tied the knot. \u201cI think the overwhelming family\/friend support and love we felt was indescribable,\u201d Julie says. The minister presiding was their brother-in-law, Dietrich. Also, it was vital to the brides that their fathers walk them down the aisle and share the traditional first dance. Since our culture doesn\u2019t provide many guidelines for lesbian weddings, this called for a little creativity. \u201cWe weren\u2019t sure how to do the \u2018walk down the aisle\u2019 bit, so we created our own walk-in and each had our dads escort us up opposite side aisles so we met in the front. When the ceremony was finished, we walked down the center aisle together,\u201d says Julie. \u201cActually walking down the aisle was surreal. I kept looking around to see my friends and family\u2014some who I hadn\u2019t seen in a very long time\u2014while also trying to keep myself in \u2018the moment\u2019 and wanting to take in the whole experience.\u201dAfter getting engaged in late April, the two gave themselves more than a year to make wedding plans, but were still surprised by how long the process took. \u201cI feel like we did tons of planning at first, and then, truth be told, we kind of slacked off until it got to the point of frenzied planning, and then we spent four months where every spare moment was spent on wedding coordinating,\u201d says Julie. No decisions were made without the other being involved, although Julie\u2019s job as a sales account executive gave her more time to do online research.One of the most important decisions for any wedding is always the venue. \u201cWe wanted to capture how important it was that we were getting married, but also wanted to provide a really fun and unique atmosphere,\u201d Julie says. It\u2019s hard to come up with a wedding venue more fun and unique than the San Francisco Zoo, but the couple amped it up even more with an energetic DJ, a photo booth and cocktail hour in the giraffe barn.\u201cMy favorite part about the ceremony is where we had it\u2014outdoors on the African Savannah at the Zoo, so there were a bunch of animals walking around as our backdrop,\u201d says Julie. Even though planning itself got a little crazy, the easiest part was picking the location. \u201cWhen we realized that the Zoo was an option and completely fit our budget, it was a perfect fit,\u201d Julie says. Another perk of choosing the venue was a buffet by Carol Mann from Taste of the Wild, a catering service exclusively for zoo functions.The exotic background gave them a great excuse to add unusual flair to the decorations, with assorted zoo animal place card holders at guest tables and zoo animal cookies from Elenis as favors. \u201cI guess the zoo ended up being the overarching motif,\u201d Julie says, \u201cNot overkill zoo theme, but it was definitely present.\u201d Animal care runs in the family for Julie, a senior boarding manager at a doggie daycare. Her great-uncle George Bistany was the zoo\u2019s first director in 1929, then called the Fleishhacker Zoo.\u201cIt was awesome; there was something for everyone,\u201d says Stephanie, \u201cWhen people weren\u2019t dancing, they were in the booth.\u201d Music was a personal highlight for both brides and the guests. Vitamin String Quartet versions of their favorite songs played during the procession, and their reinvented walk down the aisle was set to an instrumental of The Pixies\u2019 \u201cHere Comes Your Man.\u201d The vows were completely personalized, and they incorporated the poem \u201cI Like You\u201d by Sandol Stoddard Warburg into the reading. \u201cI think it 100 percent captures who we are and how we feel about each other,\u201d Julie says.Although the pair didn\u2019t bother hiring a videographer, they do have copies of all the booth photos, and hear rumors that wedding videos are indeed floating around. The booth also provided guests with a fun bit of memorabilia, each labeled \u201cJulie & Steph, May 30, 2009.\u201dMore conventional wedding photography was provided by \u201cthe best photographers EVER,\u201d as Julie puts it in describing Lilia and Ray Ahner. Having worked with the Ahners before in an engagement photo session shot at The Bulin Albany, they knew the two were right for their wedding, too (http:\/\/www.liliaphoto.com\/.)For the ceremony arch and boutonnieres, they chose Not Just Flowers with perfect results. But in a gambit to stay on budget, Julie and Stephanie decided to make their own table centerpieces, ordering vases from an online wholesaler and picking up flowers at the San Francisco Flower Mart. Putting three vases of different heights on each table, they filled them with river stones and water, then submerged the flowers. \u201cUnfortunately, when we went to the Flower Mart the day before the wedding to get the flowers, we couldn\u2019t find what we had practiced with\u2014and we discovered that the ones we did get floated instead of staying submerged!\u201d says Stephanie. But with the help of family, they were able to improvise with good results. Julie says, \u201cCombined with several small candle votives per table, they looked awesome.\u201dSo did the brides. Decked out in black suits for the ceremony, Stephanie wore Calvin Klein with a Ben Sherman tie and white creepers. Julie claims that, in typical fashion, she doesn\u2019t remember the brand of anything she wore, but did find a fantastic pair of white cufflinks. \u201cNo wedding dresses in sight,\u201d says Stephanie.The wedding\u2019s finishing touch, the cake, was made by Cheryl Lew at Montclair Baking, who incorporated the design from their invitations onto the cake.\u201cWe wanted people to come away from the wedding saying \u2018that was so them,\u2019\u201d Julie says, \u201cI think we totally achieved that.\u201d Although they nixed the bridesmaid\/groomsmen tradition, there was no shortage of friends and relations. \u201cI kept thinking how amazing it was that all these people were here for us, and how happy they were for us! It was just a really overwhelming feeling. It was more than what we had hoped for,\u201d says Stephanie. \u201cSeeing friends and family that had never met at all having such a great time together.\u201dAlthough they had a good turnout of 85 guests, they did discover that it\u2019s best to trust your own instincts when compiling the invite list. \u201cSend invitations to everyone in your family that YOU think should be there,\u201d Stephanie advises. \u201cIn our case, we relied on input from parents, etc., who felt that some people would never attend our big gay wedding\u2014only to discover after the fact that people\u2019s feelings were hurt because they weren\u2019t invited.\u201dLooking back on the special day, Julie offers some survival tips. \u201cI learned two big things. No. 1: Delegate when you need to! Moms, sisters, friends\u2014people want to help where they can\u2014shout out to both of our moms and sisters who pitched in!,\u201d she says, \u201cNo. 2: If you plan on any DIY projects, plan ahead!\u201d The two not only made their own centerpieces, but wrote their vows and ceremony wording, plus planned all of the music. \u201cIt definitely took more time and energy than we anticipated!\u201d says Julie. Both brides also stress the importance of making your wedding reflect who you are together, a challenge since many weddings are very cookie cutter (and not in fun zoo animal shapes). \u201cAnd try to keep a sense of humor!\u201d Julie adds. \u201cPlanning a wedding will bring insane stress to the very best of relationships. Know this going into it and try to keep the bigger picture in mind.\u201dStory by L.A. 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