[{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org\/","@type":"BlogPosting","@id":"https:\/\/equallywed.com\/the-power-of-pillow-talk\/#BlogPosting","mainEntityOfPage":"https:\/\/equallywed.com\/the-power-of-pillow-talk\/","headline":"The Power of Pillow Talk: Intimacy for Gay Couples","name":"The Power of Pillow Talk: Intimacy for Gay Couples","description":"Fluff up your communication and intimacy with this critical end-of-day practice   In a painfully unscientific study on how my previous significant others have behaved...","datePublished":"2010-06-30","dateModified":"2021-06-21","author":{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/equallywed.com\/author\/admin\/#Person","name":"Equally Wed","url":"https:\/\/equallywed.com\/author\/admin\/","identifier":787,"image":{"@type":"ImageObject","@id":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/ca62cf123aaaf135c80b055249bacbda79de9226e11cdfcde6529bedf89683de?s=96&r=g","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/ca62cf123aaaf135c80b055249bacbda79de9226e11cdfcde6529bedf89683de?s=96&r=g","height":96,"width":96}},"publisher":{"@type":"Organization","name":"Equally Wed","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","@id":"http:\/\/equallywed.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/equally-wed-lgbtq-weddings-logo.jpg","url":"http:\/\/equallywed.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/equally-wed-lgbtq-weddings-logo.jpg","width":218,"height":60}},"image":{"@type":"ImageObject","@id":"http:\/\/equallywed.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/equally-wed-lgbtq-weddings-logo.jpg","url":"http:\/\/equallywed.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/equally-wed-lgbtq-weddings-logo.jpg","width":218,"height":60},"url":"https:\/\/equallywed.com\/the-power-of-pillow-talk\/","video":{"@context":"http:\/\/schema.org\/","@type":"VideoObject","@id":"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=JGLVwnhktrc#VideoObject","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=JGLVwnhktrc","name":"Pillow Talk   [Trailer]","description":"Screening at The Florida Film Festival 2009 *****\r\nTuesday, March 31, 8:00 PM - 9:45 PM at Central Park, Winter Park (FREE)","thumbnailUrl":["https:\/\/i.ytimg.com\/vi\/JGLVwnhktrc\/default.jpg","https:\/\/i.ytimg.com\/vi\/JGLVwnhktrc\/mqdefault.jpg","https:\/\/i.ytimg.com\/vi\/JGLVwnhktrc\/hqdefault.jpg"],"uploadDate":"2009-03-15T11:19:19+00:00","duration":"PT2M24S","embedUrl":"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/JGLVwnhktrc","publisher":{"@type":"Organization","@id":"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/channel\/UC-j1TQTx4Bau8N1MO3BMRUg#Organization","url":"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/channel\/UC-j1TQTx4Bau8N1MO3BMRUg","name":"Florida Film Festival","description":"Every year the Florida Film Festival premieres the best in current independent and foreign cinema.\n\nFestival passes and ticket packages are available for purchase now.!\n","logo":{"url":"https:\/\/yt3.ggpht.com\/l-uWDfSy2UzbFnPbyW1kH2rW52x-RBx9_fjL2GtipFZe0C6yRJVG6beTyTtUwlupLdSJz5F_xQ=s800-c-k-c0x00ffffff-no-rj","width":800,"height":800,"@type":"ImageObject","@id":"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=JGLVwnhktrc#VideoObject_publisher_logo_ImageObject"}},"potentialAction":{"@type":"SeekToAction","@id":"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=JGLVwnhktrc#VideoObject_potentialAction","target":"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=JGLVwnhktrc&t={seek_to_second_number}","startOffset-input":"required name=seek_to_second_number"},"interactionStatistic":[[{"@type":"InteractionCounter","@id":"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=JGLVwnhktrc#VideoObject_interactionStatistic_WatchAction","interactionType":{"@type":"WatchAction"},"userInteractionCount":56694}],{"@type":"InteractionCounter","@id":"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=JGLVwnhktrc#VideoObject_interactionStatistic_LikeAction","interactionType":{"@type":"LikeAction"},"userInteractionCount":78}]},"about":["Marriage + More"],"wordCount":761,"keywords":["gay","intimacy","psychology"],"articleBody":"Fluff up your communication and intimacy with this critical end-of-day practice In a painfully unscientific study on how my previous significant others have behaved before bed, let\u2019s just say the setting has been far from communication-friendly: I\u2019ve survived instant body twitching, waiting for hour-long primping, immediate freight-train snoring or the pungent whiff of heavy intoxication.My current squeeze and I, though, have made a promise to toast the mystery-laden universe of sleepyland with pillow talk\u2014also known as quiet talking before bed, after sex, or both\u2014a practice, say experts, that can bring lovebirds together and make a difference in how a day\u2019s debriefing shapes your shut-eye.Among those experts is Dr. Scott Conkright, who has been providing psychotherapy services for more than 15 years and has served as president of Atlanta Group Psychotherapy Society. He says couples that have trouble dedicating time to communication at any time, let alone just before bed, should focus their communication on each other.\u201cHow do you find time for each other that\u2019s dedicated to the task of intimacy? Pillow talk is a great way to do that,\u201d says Conkright. \u201cIt\u2019s about saying to each other, \u2018The time now is not about watching TV, not about whether we should get the roof redone, or any of those sorts of things. I want to know what\u2019s going on with you, what you\u2019re feeling, what your week\u2019s been like.\u2019 You want to let each other know what you\u2019ve been thinking about.\u201dConkright says men in particular\u2014of all persuasions, gay or straight\u2014tend to shy away from naming their feelings.\u201cGay couples are not that much different than straight couples,\u201d he says, adding that men are often the great offenders. \u201cMost guys do not learn that the ritual of communication needs to be there. And for two guys in a relationship, they can both have busy careers and sometimes use it as an excuse for not connecting. Even the most sophisticated, highly educated guys who come into my practice have an incredibly small vocabulary for their emotional life. They have only a handful of words, and 90 percent of the time they\u2019re not even sure if it feels good or bad unless it\u2019s on the scale of really, really bad or really, really good.\u201dThat very well may be changing, though, particularly if you look at where we\u2019ve come in the past few generations. If we are in a shift in the way we discuss and dissect feelings and relationships (with Equally Wed magazine as a product of evolving attitudes) just look at the way \u201cPillow Talk,\u201d the feature film starring Rock Hudson and Doris Day, was promoted as \u201cthe most sparkling sexcapade that ever winked at convention\u201d and \u201cit\u2019s what goes on when the lights go off.\u201d  By today\u2019s standards\u2014where Lindsay falls out of limos and Britney flashes her hoo-hoo to the tabloids\u2014it seems positively puritanical. The film was made in an era when a frank, literal interpretation of the concept of \u201cPillow Talk\u201d wasn\u2019t viable; most of it takes place with both lead characters talking coyly, spinning the twisted cords of rotary-dial telephones. The movie also has become an odd precursor to Hudson\u2019s revelation that he is gay, complete with him pretending to be gay while playing a skirt-chasing straight man, while secretly leading a gay personal life.You might need a scorecard for that one. If our society has moved leaps and bounds beyond \u201cwinking at convention\u201d\u2014which seems so \u201cLittle House on the Prairie\u201d\u2014our interpersonal customs, including pillow talk, should catch up. Conkright says all couples of all stripes should make best efforts to exclude distractions.\u201cTurn the damn Blackberry and TV off,\u201d he says. \u201cFrom, say, 8 to 10 p.m., there needs to be no electronic gear on\u2014no iPhones or getting online.\u201dThat\u2019s certainly a tall order in my household, but one to which we can all aspire: a casual kiss, a TV shut-off, a pull of the shades, a sleeping-position adjustment, and \u2026 a debriefing from the day. Try out some of these practices, and discover the softer side of communication.Will Pollock is a freelance journalist and artist based in Midtown Atlanta. He is working on his first book on emotional intelligence for men and blogs frequently about this and other pop-culture nonsense at willpollock.com. He encourages you to watch the book\u2019s progress on Facebook and follow him on Twitter, as he urges men to mine their emotional intellect. "},{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org\/","@type":"BreadcrumbList","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"The Power of Pillow Talk: Intimacy for Gay Couples","item":"https:\/\/equallywed.com\/the-power-of-pillow-talk\/#breadcrumbitem"}]}]