[{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org\/","@type":"BlogPosting","@id":"https:\/\/equallywed.com\/we-said-yes-now-what-lgbtq-engagement-advice\/#BlogPosting","mainEntityOfPage":"https:\/\/equallywed.com\/we-said-yes-now-what-lgbtq-engagement-advice\/","headline":"We said yes! Now what? LGBTQ+ engagement advice","name":"We said yes! Now what? LGBTQ+ engagement advice","description":"Congratulations, you\u2019re betrothed! Being engaged and planning your wedding is as exhilarating as dancing on clouds. Your heart is literally singing as you burst with love and anticipation of marrying your sweetheart.","datePublished":"2020-09-13","dateModified":"2020-09-13","author":{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/equallywed.com\/author\/kpalladino\/#Person","name":"Kirsten Palladino","url":"https:\/\/equallywed.com\/author\/kpalladino\/","identifier":2,"image":{"@type":"ImageObject","@id":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/76421eab241dc39d43a493849d7bc676e4b1c60c6b1167f727466599b6882eca?s=96&r=g","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/76421eab241dc39d43a493849d7bc676e4b1c60c6b1167f727466599b6882eca?s=96&r=g","height":96,"width":96}},"publisher":{"@type":"Organization","name":"Equally Wed","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","@id":"http:\/\/equallywed.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/equally-wed-lgbtq-weddings-logo.jpg","url":"http:\/\/equallywed.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/equally-wed-lgbtq-weddings-logo.jpg","width":218,"height":60}},"image":{"@type":"ImageObject","@id":"https:\/\/equallywed.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/03\/Viteretti_Zalowski_Chris-Ferenzi-Photography_AmandaViterettiProposal_047_big.jpg","url":"https:\/\/equallywed.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/03\/Viteretti_Zalowski_Chris-Ferenzi-Photography_AmandaViterettiProposal_047_big.jpg","height":721,"width":1080},"url":"https:\/\/equallywed.com\/we-said-yes-now-what-lgbtq-engagement-advice\/","about":["Getting Started","Getting Started","Planning","Planning"],"wordCount":2158,"keywords":["advice","engagement announcements","LGBTQ+ engagements"],"articleBody":"Congratulations, you\u2019re betrothed! Being engaged and planning your wedding is as exhilarating as dancing on clouds. Your heart is literally singing as you burst with love and anticipation of marrying your sweetheart.Before you send our your engagement news on every social media channel available, first take some time to savor this exceptional information with your partner. Even just an hour of dancing on your happy clouds just the two of you before you launch the publicity campaign.Once it\u2019s time to share the news, whom should you tell first? If your parents are involved in your relationship, call them first. It\u2019s historically an honored tradition to reach out to the parents first to reveal that they\u2019ll be getting an official new family member before they catch wind of the news second-hand, which can cause unwanted grumbles and hurt feelings. Next, your children, if you have them\u2014as is the case for a significant amount of LGBTQ+ couples who often have children before marrying\u2014or did before federal marriage equality (those stats might start dropping off now. Get the little ones in on the celebration early, especially if you\u2019re blending families. This will help them feel at ease in the new transition in their lives such as new siblings, a new stepparent and possibly a new home.Close friends also should be contacted before your status update or relationship status changes. However, heed this warning: In the height of your happiness, be careful not to promise anything to anyone. This isn\u2019t a good time to ask people to be involved or even to come to your wedding. Simply bask in the glow of being engaged. The rest will come soon enough, but you\u2019ll want to make those decisions carefully. Promises should never be made when you\u2019re floating on cloud nine. Once you come back down to the world of reason, you may be full of regret and wondering how to back out of commitments.Modern vs. ClassicWith the first sphere of announcements out of the way, it\u2019s time to consider how you\u2019ll tell everyone else. If you\u2019re like most people, you\u2019re itching to jump on social media and share ring photos and tell the world you\u2019re engaged.The Social BlitzDo it! Post status updates and photos galore about your giddiness. You can be ever so clever with this step, so have fun! The most basic but sneaky way to do it is to only change your Facebook relationship status to \u201cengaged.\u201d And make sure you allow that status to go into your newsfeed. Simple, yes. Significant, absolutely. And get ready for the excitement to ensue for those who notice.Want to up your social media cred while sharing the incredibly happy news? Take a cue from your own personalities to see what works best. Get creative with these ideas: If you\u2019re on social media 24\/7, make a meme of a selfie with your cute face and your ring-decorated hand. Use a font-based app to type over it with a message such as \u201cI said yes!\u201d or \u201cI\u2019m getting hitched!\u201d Have young kids? Photograph them holding up a sign about the upcoming nuptials, a la \u201cMy parents are tying the knot!\u201d Or, if you each have children from previous relationships, photograph them together holding up a sign that reads \u201cOur families are becoming one.\u201d Irresistible cuteness overload abounds with pet photos. If you\u2019re planning on including your furry friend in your wedding ceremony, it will be even more meaningful to have them share the news for you in an imaginative photograph of them with a note about the engagement. Try \u201cBow to the wow: My humans are engaged!\u201d Classic News SpreadingIf you\u2019re the type who prefers handwritten letters and might even still have a landline instead of communicating solely through texts, tweets and status updates, consider staying true to yourself by continuing this in your engagement announcement.Put it in writing: The tradition of the printed engagement announcement is an oft-overlooked element but one that will be relished and appreciated. Printed announcements are especially nice if you\u2019re not having a wedding for more than two years. If you decide to have engagement announcements printed and mailed, keep the message simple and to the point. For example, Erin Johnson and Emily Reynolds are pleased to announce their engagement. (Include your date of engagement.) Don\u2019t hint at a wedding date, location, colors or a season. All of your ideas about the wedding are subject to open schedules from your venue and vendors.Throw yourself a surprise party: Invite your loved ones to a gathering at your home or restaurant. Announce your engagement in person. Allow yourself to be loved on in person by your loved ones rather than likes and shares, which can feel a little less genuine.Important Note: Proper wedding etiquette insists that you mustn\u2019t send engagement announcements to or invite anyone to the engagement party who isn\u2019t going to be an invited wedding guest.News you can use: Couples still put their engagement announcements in the newspaper, and now that same-sex marriage is federally recognized, most media outlets are happy to include the news. But they aren\u2019t all so inclusive. Call ahead to see what your city rag\u2019s policies are. Better yet, have a friend make the call for you so your heart isn\u2019t broken in two from the devastating discrimination. If you do make the cut, buy copies for yourself, your aging grandparents and a copy to save in a frame or a scrapbook. It\u2019s a priceless heirloom for future generations, and even more significant for the LGBTQ+ community as there was a time not too long ago when a newspaper announcement of an LGBTQ+ wedding wasn\u2019t allowed at all.Inquiring Minds Don\u2019t Need to KnowPeople are naturally going to pummel you with questions about when the wedding will be or will they be getting an invitation. This can feel invasive and surprising. Nothing other than your engagement needs to be shared at this time. Try to be diplomatic about it while carving out breathing room for you and your fianc\u00e9 to revel solely in your engagement. An appropriate response is, \u201cWe haven\u2019t started planning yet. We\u2019re enjoying our new engagement.\u201dOthers won\u2019t ask questions; they\u2019re the type of person who will begin making suggestions when you aren\u2019t asking for advice. They\u2019ll bring up their coworker\u2019s best friend who had a destination wedding and how they thought it was the most selfish thing in the world. Or they\u2019ll start telling you about what they learned from their own wedding. All of this can be interesting\u2014and maybe helpful. But likely it\u2019s plainly overwhelming at this time. Politely nod, and say you\u2019ve got it covered. Most people will get the hint that you\u2019re not jumping to get into the wedding details just yet.It\u2019s Not All Roses and ChampagneYou\u2019re engaged and ready to celebrate. And why wouldn\u2019t everyone want to join in? You know why. Unfortunately, our community doesn\u2019t always get the jubilant response from family, coworkers and circle of associates who are in our lives for one mandatory reason or another. The rampant homophobia and transphobia runs through communities around the world, and affects millions of households. You may get questions about why you need to go public with your relationship: families who acquiesced to your relationship might not want the rest of the family to know about your sexuality and a wedding would put a glaring spotlight on your relationship. You might not even be able to tell your family you\u2019re engaged for fear of complete abandonment.Families are complicated and there\u2019s no magic pill or therapy session to get everybody over to your side, the \u201clove is love\u201d side. But your relationship matters and you deserve the ultimate love and happiness. You deserve warmth and excitement. If there are friends who are more like family to you, lean on them more during this stage. Ask for hugs if you want some. Tell them how much their presence matters to you. Let them love on you and celebrate this exciting time in your lives.Dealing with homophobia and transphobia is an arduous task. Some couples don\u2019t have any contact with their families of origin for this reason. But if you do and wish to let them know of your engagement, here\u2019s some encouragement and advice to help ease you through this rite of passage:You matter. Your partner matters. Your relationship is stronger than any thing or person trying to pull it down.You don\u2019t have to suffer for the sake of a bloodline. If your family members are acting aggressively with verbal assassinations, take care of yourself and step away. The time period is up to you.Standing up for yourself is important. Being out and proud is admirable. But taking care of your mental health is everything. So back to that taking a break thing. If you need it, do it.If it\u2019s not your family, but it\u2019s your partner\u2019s family who\u2019s being hurtful either by making cruel comments or icing you out completely, support your spouse-to-be how you always have, but step it up a notch. Bring your sweetheart flowers and a note detailing how they\u2019ll always have you as their family. The feelings of abandonment are real, but knowing that they have you by their side will likely provide some safety to share.If your family\u2019s attitude is questionable, but not heinous, give them some time. They may need a period of adjustment to get used to the idea of you marrying someone of the same gender, a trans person or someone with no gender identification at all. Let them know you\u2019re looking forward to talking with them more when they\u2019re comfortable, and then step back a little. But not so far away that they feel like they can\u2019t reach out when they\u2019re feeling more stable in their support for you and your beloved.Let your family know that your plans to marry are not going to change. Make sure you tell them how important it feels to have their support for your wedding.Take the high road. Speak respectfully and with a kind tone. Talk in \u201cI feel\u201d statements. For example, rather than saying \u201cYou\u2019re not happy for me,\u201d instead, say, \u201cI feel like you\u2019re not happy for me.\u201d It automatically switches the tone from accusatory into an emotional one, explaining what\u2019s really happening, and open discussions\u2014and solutions\u2014are more likely.Terminology for LGBTQ+ CouplesMarriage is defined by two (or more) adults committing their lives to one another. In countries where same-sex marriage is legally recognized, the sweethearts may or may not enjoy the governmental privileges of marriage.Though marriage is about partnership and commitment, society has a long history of placing gender stereotypes on marriage and weddings. To plan your wedding, you needn\u2019t play along unless you enjoy these terms.LGBTQ+ couples are as varied as snowflakes, and the old-fashioned terms brides and grooms don\u2019t encompass all couples. But they might, and if so, feel free to embrace these words as your own while planning your wedding. If you feel strongly about using alternative language, share your preferred terms with your family, friends and vendors.Designated wedding titlesDon\u2019t identify as a bride or a groom? Consider calling yourself one of the following terms:Broom: a combination of bride and groom or a shortened version of bridegroomBridegroom: defined as a man to be married, but can be redefined for masculine-leaning women, genderqueer and nonbinary individualsGride: a combination of groom and brideMarrier: a person engaged to be marriedPartner a\/b: For contracts with your vendors, the word partner demonstrates equality in every way.Your own name: Simple, right? You don\u2019t belong in a box.Ready to submit your engagement story and photos to Equally Wed? Click here!\u00a0Newly Engaged ChecklistTake time to savor your engagement just the two of you.Plan out how you\u2019ll announce your engagement.Tell the people who you love the most first.Insure your engagement ring(s).If you receive engagement presents, send prompt thank you notes.Take a deep breath. It\u2019s wedding-planning time!This article on LGBTQ+ engagement advice is excerpted from Equally Wed: The Ultimate Guide to Planning Your LGBTQ+ Wedding by Kirsten Palladino (Seal Press). Order your copy from anywhere books are sold. We’re partial to Bookshop, which supports indie bookstores.\u00a0Featured photo from Amanda’s intimate in-house proposal to Dana surrounded by their friends in Washington, D.C.; Chris Ferenzi Photography"},{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org\/","@type":"BreadcrumbList","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"We said yes! Now what? 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