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By Jonathan Bender

Stackable Brick rings, Rony Tennenbaum, $600, available in white gold,
pink gold and yellow gold
More photos at the end of the article.

Like most people, one might assume I’m ultimately fantasizing about my dream wedding. Friends remind me with their constant save the dates that I may, in fact, be the last man standing. Do I want to marry? It’s quite possible, but the one thing I’m genuinely looking forward to is choosing the ring (god help the man who decides to get down on his knee). Materialistic? Sure, but to a degree. This symbol of sanctity is a conversation piece that unites you and your husband to be, ’til death do you part. The most common questions are ones the will only match your specific relationship. Not every couple is going to want the same things, as no person is a like and taste differs; you either have it or you don’t. Here are a couple of questions to ask yourself before popping the question and popping open the box to your possible future beau.

1. Size: What if I don’t know his ring size?

Start spying. If he has a ring that he’s worn, and “just so happens” to leave it on the dresser that morning, snag it fast. I’m only half kidding here. Sure, sizes are easy to modify but why not start off the marriage right? Worst case scenario? Ask a family member or friend of his (if they happen to know, I’ll be in shock) or take them shopping one day to test out some merchandise. Who doesn’t love window browsing? Look, touch, feel and size up.

2. Who should propose?

If you’re considering making the ring purchase, I would assume it’s you. Could your mate be checking your internet history and seeing that you’ve hit up EquallyWed.com for details on ring buying? They may beat you to the chase, but I wouldn’t worry. Each coupling is different and there is no right or wrong on who should be doing what. Marriages are about communication and balance, right? What are the odds you may be plotting for the same thing at the same time? Slim, but your intuition will play a major role in dancing around the idea of matrimony. Don’t get too heteronormative with relationship roles, it isn’t worth it.

3. Is it tacky to get matching rings? Engagement and wedding bands, or one or the other?

I repeat, it depends on your scenario. If you’re a traditionalist (unlike myself), I would say that it’s a good idea. Some decide to skip the engagement all together because of the lengthy amount of time it’s taken to get to where we are now. I say, do what works for YOU. Is it a bit strange to see a man with a shiny rock? I don’t think so, since there are plenty of sensible bands that have stackable options (pretty chic!). Start on your journey, make your own traditions and have fun; it’s all part of the engagement process.

4. How do I propose?

Whether you do it over a romantic dinner, on a cruise, or want to get elaborate with a sky-writer, it’s all relative. When you start tuning into your own emotions and what your gut is telling you, you’ll know what to do. With your relationship dynamic not matching that of your neighbor, it’s all relative. Balance is a key element in any relationship, communication being a large factor here, so keep it open. Time works against everyone, so working against the clock isn’t an option, in my eyes. Who knows, you both could give be planning something without the other knowing. Engagement rings are happening, whether you want to believe it or not. If you’re a romantic and want to surprise your beau on one knee, who is there to stop you? I know I love a good, romantic, spur-of-the-moment surprise; if you’re more of a planner, openly discuss it with your partner.

5. In this economy, what would you recommend if you were working with a budget?

Because the economy isn’t at it’s current peak, it’s time to look a bit more realistically at our finances. Consider what you’re working with and put money aside. Do you even have to make a ring your symbolism of marriage? Absolutely not. My mother is not a jewelry person, unlike my father, and she just wanted the perfect bedroom set. You do what you feel is best for the two of you. The best part about hunting for the right ring (or object of your love) is the Internet; I’m not sure how they managed in simpler times. With Google.com, you’re able to see what’s out there and get an idea of what other people are looking at and what style you don’t want.

Will you have to check it out in person? Yes, considering sizes and checking out the merchandise. I don’t recommend purchasing your engagement ring over the Internet–at least not a ring that can’t be resized (which would include a ring with gemstones around the entire band). Keep in mind, if you’re working on limited means, you’re going to reconsider altering your budget. Don’t budge, especially based on your friends and their opinions. Do what works for you and enjoy the process! Your wedding, let alone your engagement, should be a stress-free experience. (OK, there may be a few bumps along the way.) Be realistic but stay romantic.

Ultimately, enjoy your experience and remain optimistic. The right ring is out there for you, and remember, you already have the first step accomplished: You found the man of your dreams. Next step? A fairy-tale ending … of sorts.

FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION

THE DREAM RINGS