Q My partner and I were one of the 4,000 couples wed in San Francisco in February 2004. Then we were annulled by the Supreme Court of California! But not before we’d sent out wedding announcements. Now we hope to wed again, but probably not even on the same date. We do celebrate the date now. Do we send out a second announcement after our second wedding or is it better to let it slide under the radar? Nothing worse than seeming to be unable to make a marriage stick! The State has really killed the joy!
A Congrats on the longevity of your relationship! So let me see if I understand this correctly. Your 2004 marriage was legally recognized and you sent out wedding announcements after the fact. I’m guessing you didn’t throw a wedding ceremony and reception? Then the State of California retracted its recognition of that marriage. Now you’re planning to travel to another state to have another legally recognized union, and you’re wondering if you should send out more announcements? Well, it depends on how you feel about your current relationship. I personally view you as already married. Historically, a marriage was bound by the vows made by the couple in question and the witnesses at the ceremony—not an embossed slip of paper bestowed upon select recipients deemed worthy by the majority of the particular country you’re in. Of course, the government eventually did get involved. But marriage can be a social contract or a legal one. So even if the government in your neck of the woods hasn’t caught up to states such as Connecticut, Vermont and Massachusetts in terms of marriage equality, your marriage is still valid in the eyes of society—society being your community of friends and family, our straight-but-not-narrow allies and the gay community at large.
All this to say that your affirmation to your relationship in a state that cares about marriage equality is important for many reasons, and it’s definitely something to celebrate with a party back home or just more announcements to let everyone know of this important decision you and your loved one have made. We love the wedding announcements on gay-owned online stationer Outvite.com.
But I’d suggest giving the wording a sense of tongue-in-cheek humor so the recipients understand exactly what’s taken place—that you’ve traveled to another state to have legal recognition of your marriage, not that you separated and have married once again.
For example:
David and John are overjoyed to announce that they’re now legally wed in the state of Connecticut, as of June 16, 2010. They’re still happily nesting in their home at (fill in address).
Kirsten Ott Palladino is the co-founder and editor in chief of Equally Wed, the nation’s leading gay and lesbian wedding and honeymoon magazine. Follow her on Twitter. Connect with her on Facebook. Write her with your gay wedding questions. If she can’t answer it, she’ll find another expert who can!
