My wife and I leaving the New York Marriage Bureau after our legal wedding. Photo: Entwined Studio
CNN published a piece today by one of its senior producers, a lesbian mom, who’s been with her partner for 10 years. New York residents Rose Arce and her longtime love, Maria Fernanda, share a mortgage, bank accounts and their daughter, Luna—and now the women have the opportunity to get legally married. In fact, they’re even experiencing some major pressure to do so—even from other children.
In Arce’s article, she details a conversation between her daughter and a playmate:
“The pressure began on a subway platform the day our daughter Luna, 6, and her best friend, Jackie, 7, saw a newspaper with drawings of double brides and double grooms. The state of New York had saddled same-sex couples with the same stress long available to everyone else: the pressure to marry. And they were starting with our kids.
Jackie to Luna: Are your mommies going to get gay married?
Luna: Mama, are the mamas getting gay married?
Me: (Silence)
Luna: Don’t get gay married because I don’t want to be the flower girl.
Jackie: You don’t have to go. You can do a sleepover at my house.
Luna (eyebrows gathered, arms crossed): Mama, can you please marry Mami so I can do a sleepover at Jackie’s house?”
I always envisioned myself getting married, so when my then-girlfriend, Maria, proposed to me, I said yes, no matter that we live in a state where gay marriage isn’t legally recognized (though we did legally tie the knot in New York this summer after marrying in Georgia in 2009). I’m of the opinion that you don’t need a government’s permission to get married. Now, of course, we absolutely need the marital rights that go along with legal marriage, and I’m fighting hard to get those. But marriage is about far more than the government’s acknowledgment of the commitment that my wife and I share.
But not everyone wants to make the leap to publicly commit in front of their loved ones to forever with the one their with, even if they share a mortgage, children, checking and savings accounts and other important investments.
How do you feel? Have you felt pressure to wed since same-sex marriage became legally recognized in your state? Or even if it hasn’t, do you feel compelled to get (gay) married in a state where it’s legally recognized? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
