The Guest List: When Your Friends Just Don’t Understand
Q We’ve invited everyone in our social circle to our wedding, except one fairly new guy who I—and my fiancé—really can’t stand. He makes mean jokes and drinks a bit too much. We don’t want him at our special event, but it’s gotten rather awkward with our friends, who don’t seem to understand and keep suggesting ways to get him invited. How can we settle everyone down and still come out looking like the good guys?
A You’re under no obligation to invite anyone you aren’t comfortable with at your wedding. Of course, sometimes you may want to keep the peace with people who really matter to you, such as your folks who may be helping foot the bill for your shindig and are insisting that their neighbors be invited. But this so-so friend of yours, or rather it seems a friend of your friends, shouldn’t get an invitation to the exclusive day of yours, and it’s your decision—no one else’s. Often times, friends who haven’t planned a wedding really have no concept of how much money, time and planning goes into the day, and that an extra eater really can raise your costs. But probably most important is that you should only invite guests who you feel a good connection with and want to bear witness to your unwavering commitment to each other for the rest of your days, and this dude clearly isn’t one of those people. Take the ring leader of your friends out to lunch and state your case without insulting the other guy. It’s always easiest to blame the budget—no one can argue that in this economy. Explain how you and your fiancé have to draw the line at some point on the guest list in order to stay within budget, and you’ve come to the conclusion that you can’t invite every Dick and Harry that you have a good time with socially. Be firm, be polite, and don’t feel like you have to apologize. This is your wedding day, and your close friends should want to support you in all your wishes.
Kirsten Ott Palladino is the co-founder and editor in chief of Equally Wed, the nation’s leading gay and lesbian wedding and honeymoon magazine. Follow her on Twitter. Connect with her on Facebook. Write her with your gay wedding questions. If she can’t answer it, she’ll find another expert who can!