Q My wedding’s coming up in a few months, and my partner and I have agreed on everything except how to spend the night before our wedding. I think that since we’ve been living together for five years already, it’s not bad luck to stay together the night before we commit to each other for the rest of our lives. She completely disagrees, saying that not only is it bad luck, but it’s also tradition. I’m already going to be nervous enough about the big day—I think spending the night apart will make it even harder! What do you think?

A I think that it matters what you two think, and that’s it. Don’t give into pressures of society, well-meaning friends or relatives. That being said, you two will most definitely have to come to some sort of agreement before nightfall on wedding eve. Historically, the engaged couple has spent the night apart before their wedding day, but they’ve also spent all of their nights alone, because they’re saving themselves for marriage and they certainly didn’t shack up with their intended before making it official before their friends, family and higher power. But in 2010, modern couples—be they gay or straight or somewhere in the middle—are shacking up before getting married. And I’ve yet to hear from any gay couple who didn’t move in together before their wedding. That being said, I’m all for tradition, and I adore the idea of keeping some mystery between each other—what the other one is thinking (frightful nerves of being on display or filled with romantic fantasies about the rest of your life together); doing (writing last-minute vows perhaps? Or maybe a sweet love poem to slip into her suit pocket just before saying “I do.” Or possibly saving your bachelor/ette party until the night before the wedding and slamming down Jaegerbombs at the local bar (not recommended!); or wearing (trying on your outfit one last time). Imagine not seeing your gorgeous fiancée for 24 hours leading up to your wedding day. All that fun, breathless anticipation! And then when you do lay eyes on her—either at the altar or just before for your couple portraits—how your heart will melt! This is your wedding day. Make it as special as you can. You only get to do it once! So if you can get into that romantic tradition, go for it! If it’s not for you, it’s time to convince your lady how much fun you can show her the night before the big day when she’s still an unwedded bachelorette.

Kirsten Ott Palladino is the co-founder and editor in chief of Equally Wed, the nation’s leading gay and lesbian wedding and honeymoon magazine. Follow her on Twitter. Connect with her on Facebook. Write her with your gay wedding questions. If she can’t answer it, she’ll find another expert who can!