Q I’m a butch lesbian marrying the most beautiful, feminine woman in the world, and I am so happy! My family loves her, but they’re not so sure about me. Well, they love me, but I’m 37 years old and they are still trying to change who I am, how I dress, etc. They couldn’t care less that I am gay, in the sense that they don’t mind me marrying a woman instead of a man. But they drop so many hints that they think I should wear dresses and be more feminine like my partner. I’m planning on wearing a suit at my wedding as well as a boutonnière. They (my mom, grandmother and aunt) think this is strange, and they’re trying to get me to change my mind. How can I make them happy but stand up for what I want?
A Concentrate on making yourself happy. I’m guessing you’ve been dressing in masculine clothing for a long enough time that if they were going to accept it and get used to it, it would have happened by now. All you can do is wear what you’re comfortable in and what that beautiful bride of yours likes to see you in and shine, shine, shine. The next time they say something about you needing to dress differently, ask them if they’d be comfortable wearing a men’s suit or a tie out to a public event. If they say no, tell them that’s how you feel in a dress. Maybe they’ll get it then. Either way, your nit-picky relatives need to learn how to not sweat the small stuff and celebrate you and your upcoming commitment to this wonderful woman of yours. They’re gaining a daughter/granddaughter/niece who fits their mold, but is attracted to you and how you look. Maybe they can just revel in that for awhile.
Kirsten Ott Palladino is the co-founder and editor in chief of Equally Wed. Follow her on Twitter. Like her on Facebook. Write her with your gay wedding questions. If she can’t answer it, she’ll find another expert who can!