Take Charge!
Celebrity wedding planner Samantha Goldberg tells you how to look fabulous, show respect to your partner, and take shit from no one
For the past two decades, celebrity wedding planner Samantha Goldberg has been orchestrating couples’ dream nuptials—with the sophisticated iron grit of an air traffic controller in stilettos. As the go-to planner for Broadway’s glitziest same-sex marriages, Samantha reports that gay couples are increasingly turning to professionals like herself to make their ceremony an affair to remember. In an Equally Wed exclusive, this straight-talking star of the Style Network’s “Whose Wedding is it Anyway” dishes on ways that same-sex couples can rethink tired traditions and capitalize on this spring’s hottest trends.
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| Samantha Goldberg, Courtesy of Samantha Goldberg |
Equally Wed: Samantha, what is the most important consideration a couple planning their marriage should have?
Samantha Goldberg: Couples must have what we call “the trust factor.” In a recent statistic, 20 percent of all weddings are cancelled within 18 months—the average time it is taking people to tie the knot today. The No. 1 reason for divorce is lack of communication. That’s a downer, but it’s true. “The trust factor” is a give-and-take. To trust someone is one thing. To not allow them to express themselves is a control issue. As a planner, I’m starting to see more partners allowing their spouses to pick out elements of the wedding that are most important to them. You can do this by starting with a wish list that contains all the things each of you absolutely must have in the wedding to make you happy. Then, make a second list of what you each want, but if it doesn’t happen, you’d be OK. For example, if your partner wants to pick out the wedding cake, let her! If she wants a topsy-turvy cake and your wedding is super-mod, let her still have the cake. Remember, your wedding is a collaborative process. Planning your wedding takes good organization, good communication and remembering why you’re doing it. If you forget any of these things, it will not work in your favor.
EW: And you say couples are taking boosting the channels of communication seriously.
SG: Yes! Going to therapy before getting married is huge now. It’s similar to the Catholic church’s pre-Cana, which works great for those are affiliated with a church. Since a lot of churches are not open to same-sex couples, you can find a counselor who will guide you in the same way. And just because you’re gay doesn’t mean you have to go with a gay counselor—go with whoever you feel most comfortable with. You might find a hetrosexual counselor works best for you.
EW: Let’s talk style. What the women’s fashion trends for the spring that you’re seeing now?
SG: With my gay clients, the trend is whatever the couple chooses it to be because they don’t give a shit about what anyone else has to say. They’re like, “It’s my wedding. I can do what I like. Screw you.”
White for a same-sex couple is not as prevalent as in years ago. Also, both brides don’t want to wear dresses. Some of my same-sex brides are more masculine and want to wear a suit. At Ellen and Portia’s wedding, Ellen wore a suit—and looked gorgeous. She has an amazingly beautiful face and eyes, and she’s very fashion-savvy.
My clients also like the diversity of using color. So if two women are getting married and one of them is “tuxedo-type,” she would pull a color from her partner’s bouquet in elements like a boutonniere. Couples want to be a part of each other’s style.
Vintage is very hot right now. As are feathers—they’re coming back, yes! One of my favorites is peacock feathers, which are very mod. The color combination is very cool: You’ve got your blues, you’ve got your browns, you’ve got your blacks. Feathers can be worked in so many ways that are not flamboyant. We’re seeing feathers on everything from dresses to purses to centerpieces.
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| Courtesy of Nelson Wade |
EW: What do you see for men’s styles?
SG: Guys are going back to wearing suits—we’re not talking tuxes anymore! And bowties are back, which I’m psyched about. In one wedding I just planned, the groom’s tie matched the bridesmaids’ gowns. The colors were burgundy, silver and white, so his bowtie had stripes of burgundy, silver and white. It was very cool.
EW: What is cutting-edge style for the wedding party?
SG: I’m seeing girls wearing the same color dress but with different styles. This really works because everyone has different style bodies—someone who is big-busted should not be wearing a strapless dress. The colors this year are a lot brighter, too. Think hot pink and a black sash. We’re wrapping sashes around the waist to differentiate the colors of the wedding.
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| Courtesy of Mon Cheri Bridals |
And when it comes to colors, we’re not in the ’80s anymore—the dresses do not match the tables.
EW: Tell our couples one under-the-radar piece of advice that they are hardly ever told.
SG: Getting wedding insurance is a smart move. This is a subject that’s not often discussed but you should be aware of. Start by looking at your homeowner’s insurance—many will be covered under that and a lot of people don’t know about that. You’ll spend an extra $300 to $500 to have wedding insurance added. However, know that some wedding insurance companies are reliable, but some are not. Do your homework.
EW: Give us your secret to getting a dream wedding on a budget.
SG: The average wedding takes nine to 12 months to plan. I’d love for people to plan six to nine months. You have more negotiation abilities. The less amount of time you have, the less amount of time you have to analyze, and the better deals you’ll receive in any category. I recently did a wedding for an NFL player, who planned his wedding in four months. I saved the couple $100 off per person at the Venetian. There are places that book three years in advance, yes, but you’d be shocked at how many popular venues will have prime openings like a Saturday night four months out and you can work out a deal. If you’re flexible on your date—especially during the most popular months of May, June, September and October—and if it doesn’t have to be a Saturday night, you’re more likely to get exactly what you want. It just may not be on a month or day you want it. I don’t know why couples can’t be more flexible.
EW: Many of our readers live together and have already created their home. Does this mean they have to ditch a registry?
SG: Absolutely not! Registry items are a lot different today from the times when a couple were meant to move in together when they got married and since they didn’t have anything, they registered for toasters and blenders. Today’s couples are registering for things like honeymoons. For example, you can register at Liberty Travel. Liberty Travel would then send a gift card to you stating that this gift was given to you by Aunt Sarah and Uncle Mark toward the “honeymoon of your dreams” package. It won’t say how much, so it’s a secretive amount. From luggage to plane tickets—people can put together the trip of their dreams with the help of their guests.
Here’s another interesting trend that started with Commerce Bank a couple of years ago: Guests can start a down payment fund where guests can make deposits to come up with the first down payment on a new home. You will get a monthly ledger that tells you the deposits that were made and who made them.
Another area that is beginning to blossom is registering with the vendors you cannot afford. Perhaps that’s a graphite book from their photographer. Or a special video package with better video editing. You can register with your videographer. You want to register for items that will be part of your home that you’ll be able to use long-term—tangible items, not things like flowers or music.
EW: Finally, how do you help couples calm their nerves right before the Big Day?
SG: The weeks leading up to The Day could be a disaster if the couple is not calm. It’s important for them to have a checklist and make copies of it and highlight all the things they’ve done. This will help them look at all the things they’ve accomplished over all the things they have to do. There’s something about that yellow highlighter that tends to calm people down. It says, “It’s done; it’s finished!” If you feel that too many people are giving their advice, you stay away from them. If they’re giving advice, all you need to do is say, “Thank you, I’ll consider it,” and then the subject is over. It might sound harsh, but if they won’t drop the subject, just leave.
