Reader Question: My fiancée comes from a large Italian family and they treat weddings like family reunions. We’re working with a small budget as is, and, by including all of the children, ranging from six to 16 (on her side of the family), I’m forced to cut longtime friends from the wedding guest list. She’s okay with having a strict adults-only invite but warns of the familial consequences we’d have to pay. What should I do?
Editor’s Answer: Personally, I’m a fan of adults-only weddings (with the exception of children of the brides or grooms and/or flower girls and ring bearers). Children, though adorable, keep parents from letting loose because they’re too worried Junior will spill marinara sauce all over his white dress shirt. (Plus, I’m sure moms and dads want to booze it up, too!) Of course, expecting guests to be away from their children for an out-of-state trip, or even to hire a babysitter for the evening, can be met with glaring RSVPs. This is an opportunity to practice the golden rule of marriage: compromise. Both with your soon-to-be wife and her family. Hire a trustworthy babysitter (perhaps one of your fiancee’s 16-year-old cousins) and pay them a decent wage to watch the kids in one of your family’s hotel rooms or a family member’s home. One or two babysitters is certainly going to be cheaper than ten extra servings of salmon at the reception. You may be met with parents who refuse to come, especially ones of newborns and those helicopter moms who can’t leave their child’s side, but that’s just the way it goes. Entice the kids with fun activities (board games, movies and junk food are way more fun than a boring ol’ ceremony and sauteed green beans anyway!) so they feel like they’re getting the better end of the deal, as well. Bottom line: Don’t cut true friends from the guest list to make room for toddlers, as long as you are willing to pay for a sitter solution. You can have your cake and eat it, too.
Photo: Real Weddings Shavonda and Naomi, photographed by Sara Maren Photographers
