Four years ago, two girls created an Instagram account. It doesn’t sound like that long ago, but it seems like forever ago because we were at a different place in our lives. We were in a dark place. It was just us, my wife and me. We were trying to create a family and facing an emotional rollercoaster. We turned to social media to help us and found so much more than we thought. So how did we end up where we are today?
It was 2015. My wife and I had just tried our first round of IVF and we had gotten the news that it had failed. We were left devastated. Our bodies were tired from the medication and shots. Our hearts were hurt. The money we had saved for the process was gone. We were left feeling emotionally, physically and financially empty. The first place I went to was the Internet. I searched for a solution. I wanted a baby. We didn’t have any local gay friends and we didn’t know of anyone who was in the same position as we were. When we looked online though, we found a community of LGBTQ+ couples undergoing fertility treatments to have a baby. We found straight couples who were going through IVF to have a baby. We found people who understood. We felt relieved.
RELATED: RECIPROCAL IVF WAS HARD FOR OUR FAMILY, BUT IT WAS THE RIGHT DECISION
It’s hard to explain what I was feeling before I found a community online. I guess the best word would to describe how I felt would be: Alone. Our friends and family around us were very loving but they had no idea what it actually felt like to go through this process. When we went online, we got to talk to people who were still in the process and also see families created the way we wanted ours. We found hope, friendship and advice. We found the strength to try IVF again.
Before going online and finding this wonderful online community, I found myself spending many days crying. I would cry for hours on end. When I was able to talk to others about how I felt, I cried less. I started forming a plan to try to have a baby. I went from feeling like we would never have a child to feeling like we would have a child, we just didn’t know how. That was huge for me. I needed to feel like we were still going to have a child.
When we tried reciprocal IVF for the second time, I created an Instagram account. I followed other families. I followed those who were undergoing fertility treatments and I followed those who gave me support. Each step of the way, I was getting comments that made me feel like I could do it. Not only did my wife and I have each other, but we also had friends from all over the world. We had help and inspiration. We were inspired by gay families who had kids. We looked up to them and hoped to be like them one day. We even found families that had kids created from reciprocal IVF, the same process we were doing.
As we continued on our journey, there were ups and downs, but we had support. If we had a problem, we asked and tons of responses were there to help us. After our first daughter was born, we knew we wanted to keep our Instagram going to help others. We knew how helpful it was to find other couples like us and we wanted to be there for someone too. We didn’t realize that we would actually be helping many people in other areas too.
Besides helping others with creating a family, we also helped the LGBTQ+ community with other issues. We enjoyed helping others and seeing how thankful people were that we had an Instagram. We too are thankful for social media.
After our Instagram, I created a YouTube channel. Many of our followers asked to see videos and although I was never a huge fan of video recording anything, I started to record everything. Our first daughter has some video footage as a baby, but our second daughter has video footage of everything. I also only have a handful of video clips from my relationship with my wife before kids. I never would have turned to videos if it weren’t for social media and I am so thankful. I always loved taking pictures, but watching videos of our family brings me even more joy. I get to relive that moment all over again. It’s also amazing to hear that it brings others joy too. We didn’t realize our family would provide hope for many young women who are gay, and who dream of finding love one day. It’s wonderful to hear such loving comments as these ones.
We have met so many new friends because of social media. We have met some in person and others I feel like we have met, even though we haven’t. When you follow someone’s account, watch their Instagram stories, see their kids growing up in pictures, you feel like you are part of their lives. You comment on each other’s pictures and exchange words weekly. You have an online friend but you feel closer than online. My wife and I talk about Instagram friends as if these people are our neighbors. The connection you feel is strong.
I’m able to help others through social media. That is one major reason we started our Instagram and it’s still the reason we have it today. We respond to messages daily about our relationship, about problems we face in society being gay, about fertility issues and about problems our children face. We want to be as honest and candid as possible because no one wants to follow someone who isn’t speaking the truth. We want to inspire others but also not paint a perfect picture of something that isn’t perfect.
I think social media comes with its pros and cons and it’s a competitive world. But we remember why we started our account: To help others. We will not stop advocating for love and helping the LGBTQ+ community in any way we can. We hope to continue to inspire and help as many people as possible.
We are a girl meets girl love story! We fell in love, got married and we now have two children via reciprocal IVF. We love to travel and show our kids as much of the world as possible. You can find Christina and Katie on Instagram and YouTube.
