Whether or not you’re already engaged, if you’re in an LGBTQ+ relationship, you might be wondering: Who proposes? Should we both propose?

Every couple has this option regardless of gender or sexual orientation, but the trend of double proposals has been on the rise in the LGBTQ+ community. This double proposal when both Becky and Jessa planned to propose to each other at Michigan Zoo went viral last May, and it’s not the only time. It also happened to Tori and Berkley during a game of Pictionary and to Rebecca and Danielle when they went away to a cabin on the lake.

If you’re thinking about whether or not you both want to propose, sit down with your significant other and talk over these questions.

Do we both want to propose?

The first question you should talk about is whether you’re both interested in proposing. Maybe one of you has always envisioned popping the question, but the other never gave it much thought. Maybe you both really want your moment to share all your love for your partner and a proposal feels like the perfect time to do that.

Do we both want to be proposed to?

You should also discuss whether you both want to be proposed to. Proposals traditionally involve gender roles and they can feel outdated and cisheteronormative. Ask your partner if they have any interest in being asked and share with them how you feel about it. If you both want to be proposed to (and you’re both comfortable asking the question), then you pretty much have your answer: You’re both getting that moment.

Do we want these proposals to be a surprise?

If you’re both planning to propose, it’s important to know going in whether you both prefer surprises or not. Do you want a photographer, professional or not, there to capture the moment? Do you want it on video? Are you hoping to have some idea of when it will happen, or do you want to be totally shocked when it does? If one of you really hates surprises, you probably won’t want this moment to come out of the blue. Have an honest, open discussion about both of your needs and expectations. It can be really romantic to talk about what you both might want from a proposal (and what you definitely don’t want) and what would really capture your heart.

Should one of us propose before the other?

As well as figuring out if the proposals should be a surprise, you’ll also want to have a conversation about when to propose. Does either of you feel strongly about being the first to propose or are you just going to let it happen naturally? If you don’t plan who will propose first, you’re more likely to end up with an accidental double proposal, where you both plan it for the same day—and that can be exciting and emotional.

Proposing is an exciting step and you and your partner want to be prepared. Talk to each other about the possibility of double proposing. Even if one of you has already popped the question, it’s not too late to talk about this! The other partner may still be interested in being asked, and that’s something you should figure out together.