Deciding who (if anyone) to stand up with you on your wedding day is no easy task. Do you want a big or small wedding party? Just family? No family? If you’re struggling when it comes to choosing a wedding party for your big day, don’t fall victim to the myths you hear about how your day “should” look. Here are the answers you’ve been wanting to know.

Do both sides of the party need to be equal?

No. If you want one attendant and your partner wants ten, go for it. If you want none, that’s okay too. If you both want equal sized parties, go for it. If you share the same friend group, don’t make them choose a “side.” There are no sides, it’s all love (and it doesn’t need to matter who stands on what side for photos either).

Gay white wedding
Image via “Gay white wedding at private Palm Springs Estate” on Equally Wed

Are they required to stand up with us?

No. Your wedding party can be the people who help plan your wedding, they can be the people that get ready with you, they can even walk down the aisle if you choose, but they do not have to stand with you during your ceremony if you do not want them to. Whatever you do (and don’t) want out of your wedding party, just be sure to make your needs and wants clear when you ask them to be involved, and mean what you say. If you tell them that you aren’t looking for help with planning or DIY projects, don’t be surprised when they don’t offer to help you tie the ribbons to all your favors.

Image via “This is what it looks like when models get married” on Equally Wed

If I was in their wedding, do I need to include them in mine? 

Starting to see a trend here? The answer is no. It is your day and you are not obligated to bring in anyone you don’t want. Do understand though, that this may cause some hurt feelings. Despite not being required, many people still assume that you have to do it to reciprocate. Luckily, there are no “have tos” when it comes to your wedding.

If a person’s reaction to not being chosen is bringing you down, stop and remember this – if you had been married first and had not asked them to be in your wedding, they probably wouldn’t be feeling this way, and might not have asked you to be in theirs. We can’t choose who gets married first, but we can choose our wedding party.

Image via “Punta Cana Destination Wedding” on Equally Wed

Do I even need to have a wedding party? 

A wedding party is not required. It is your day so include who you want from wedding party to guest list. If you have a small family, don’t have close friends or just don’t want to have one, you don’t need to force yourself into coming up with a list of people. You want people at your wedding that will be in your life for the long haul. No one wants to look back on photos and remember the people you don’t talk to anymore.

Image via “Southern California White and Yellow wedding” on Equally Wed

Featured image via “Beauty and the Beast-inspired castle wedding” on Equally Wed